


If you're a rock i'm a bird

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Louis, M/M, Sad Louis, Suicidal Thoughts, kind of, more anxiety than anything, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2013-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-04 04:27:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1076526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis hasn't had an anxiety attack in months, so when he feels the beginnings of one coming; he and Harry battle it before it can even start.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If you're a rock i'm a bird

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's really more of poetry and some parts wont make sense to everyone but i wrote it in 3 minutes so i'm really sorry
> 
> i edited it once and it was 3 am so
> 
>  
> 
> I WANT TO MAKE IT VERY CLEAR THIS ISN'T REAL LIFE LOUIS IT'S JUST AU LOUIS OK? this isn't based off one direction, just AU world.

Louis can’t remember the last time he felt that undergrowth of uncertainty, feeling as if something was going to go wrong and soon but by the time he gave recognition it was too late to brace himself.

 

It had been a few months but now he felt it, under his skin and in his muscles dripping from his blood, he felt it. He knew this time, what it was however and maybe that comes with the long wait for its arrival but now its here and he wanted to end it.

 

It made him feel heavy and gone, like he was watching himself in a movie from some other point in his life; of course I’m here, I’m real. Breath, he would tell himself. He felt like he was drowning in the endless thrash of current slowly pulled him lower, his lungs felt full of water and they ached with it. They didn’t want to struggle anymore, they wanted to turn black quickly and die at ease not at war with the waves.

 

He had made it out light and clear for so many months but now the feelings was taking residence in his core again, unknowing of its cause he just wanted it gone. Away, he was so free and weightless with the wonderful boy by his side he felt good and everything was so.

 

Good.

 

Until it’s not anymore and that’s life isn’t it, karma everyone says no it’s not karma that’s bullshit; it’s just life, coming to fuck you up the ass without lube or want and you’re screaming but life says. Fuck you, take it like a man, the pain will be gone in a few days, right? So suck it up and take it now so you can dread my next visit to mess with your poor mind of smiles and love. I’ll miss you.

 

He had never acknowledged the feeling before it was harvested, just knew it was there but not fully understanding what it was. He had felt it before, it’s like a horrible da-sha-voo and the whole time you want to scream, “SOME ONE SAVE ME!” and when people shout back, “FROM WHAT?” you can’t even answer. The answer is unclear from what you need rescuing from, but you just know you can’t be there.

 

Louis believed that’s what drove people insane, was the feeling in their gut and he couldn’t blame them, he couldn’t ask why when they killed themselves. He knew, why. It hurts so badly in the worst way, because it’s not even painful but it is, it’s scarring and life ruining and it hurts so badly without hurting you.

 

“Save me Harry, help me get out of this shell of a human. I don’t want to be a free bird inside of a mental body anymore, I want out to fly. With you, Haz, forever. Please, let me out, come with me we can go to neverland and sail away together. I’ll never leave you,” He pleaded, he’s on his knees with his clasped hands out in front of him. He’s screaming, he knows that, but he needs Harry to know it’ll be okay if they leave, just leave together.

 

“No Louis, come on we’re meant to be birds here together in these bodies as Louis and Harry because we’re not Peter and Wendy baby. It’s going to be okay, give it a few days you’ll feel silly and frothy and good, here with me.” Harry soothes, opting for whispers, until he’s grabbing Louis’ shoulder and shaking them violently. He isn’t even sure of what he’s saying to his boy but he knows what his boy is saying to him. He knows what Louis is asking of him and he knows of the small handgun in Louis’ glove box in his car. 

 

Louis hasn’t been in that car in months and Harry knows that he, he took the gun out and chucked it in the lake a few months back but he doesn’t want him in there. 

 

He watches as the boy in front of him breaks into tears, wetness slipping down his cheeks and he can hear them splashing on the tile floor of their kitchen. God, he can hear everything, all of Louis’ thoughts of runrunrun and savemesavemsaveme pacing a thousand beats per minute and he needs him to stop thinking. For two seconds to remember he’s real, he’s good and pure and Harry’s. 

 

God, Harry would do anything and go anywhere for this boy except this and Louis knows this, wants Harry to make him understand he doesn’t need this; he needs Harry. To save him.

 

“I don’t want to live with the undergrowth and the poison anymore; I want to go to war with silly things, happy things with you. Not life, my ass is sore Harry I can feel the blood trickling down my thighs already Haz,” He is full out sobbing, his face as red the blood. Harry knows what he means, heard his analogies before. He hiccups before he continues, yanking at Harry’s shirt. “Take me so we can fly and leave behind what has died before and within us, take me with you Harry please, take me where it’s good and fluffy.”

 

Harry’s eyes are burning with tears and he feels like he can’t breathe because of the lump in his throat from this broken boy, he remembers doing this in May. This same battle, a few times; he’s done it once, he can do it now and he will make it out with a wound and a boy. And dammit, he’ll be smiling too.

 

“I can’t take you where I am not going boy, I won’t take you there either, so many souls with rot without you and without me. What about the birds we’ll end up leaving behind us? We can’t just fly the coop for the air, we’ll run out of the breath and starve ourselves up there. Stay here with me, where it’s warm and good and we’ll run a bath, smoke silly things and be LouisandHarry together outside of neverland.” Harry is trembling, fighting to remain standing but he can’t sit with Louis on the ground because he needs Louis to stand, fight this with him. He can’t fight on the floor, and neither can Louis, they have to get up and raise their swords together.

 

“I don’t want them to rot Hazza,” Louis buries his face in Harry’s shirt, his voice dropping to a whisper.

 

“Harvest for them, if not for me. Settle for the children we can have, we can’t have those in neverland baby, stand up please.”

 

“Always settle and harvest for my true love, my bird and wings. I love you so much it pains me so deeply, it’s too good, bath me in it Harry?” Louis finally looks up, his hold on Harry’s gray shirt loosening as he starts to breathe again. He can feel the stars in his knee caps as they burn from the cool tile, his face burning from the salt in his tears. Sandpaper.

 

“If you’re a bird, I’m a bird. If you’re a rock, I’m a rock.” Harry loops his forearms under Louis’ armpits to drag him upward into his chest. For once in history, this isn’t some quote from a chick flick. He means it in every way possible, if Louis goes to neverland, so does he. Without turning back, Louis’ bird forever. 

 

Just as Louis is Harry’s rock here on earth and in life forever, because that’s where Harry is for now.

 

Louis is huffing on his chest, exhausted and for once they caught it before it could take over; it’s gone for now, hopefully for more month instead of days like back when Louis was 18 and all he had was a pointy kitchen knife and himself.

 

“Always your rock Harry,”

 

“Always your bird Lou, come to bed now. Tired from fighting with Hook.” Harry slowly drags his feet backwards towards the staircase, lifting Louis higher in his arms.

 

“Me too, want to rest with you and then go fight some hunger strike down in south Florida,” and Harry knows it’s Louis’ ridiculous way of saying he’s hungry, and he knows his boy has finally landed. Louis said that phrase just last week anyhow, he is so happy his rock is his rock and his rock is smiling. Small but there, like every good thing.

 

He carries Louis upstairs and tucks them both into bed, and he watches as Louis folds into his temporary flight mode, knowing he’ll be ready for action in the morning. Or maybe just some tea, that’s perfectly okay too.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry
> 
>  
> 
> btw, my tumblr is HURREH and im having a huge giveaway at the mo so


End file.
